I hope sharing my story can bring awareness to PANS/PANDAS and inspire people to keep going because one day, it will get better.
Hi! My name is Lily, I’m 23 years old and I have PANS. I’ve been hospitalized so many times I can't even count, seen doctors of practically every specialty recognized in the US, and had nearly every type of medical test run on me. I’ve spent 20 years fighting this, with only 5 years since official diagnosis, but today I’m in remission and this is my story.
I wasn’t actually diagnosed until I was 17, but my parents suspect I’ve had PANS since I first had a flare at 13 months. In the 1990s and early 2000s, PANDAS was only beginning to be researched, so my parents dragged me to doctor after doctor with no answers. The most prominent symptom was a head twitch that occurred after any acute bacterial infection, coupled with severe separation anxiety, episodes of rage and significant OCD tendencies. With no seizure activity and the behavioral symptoms chalked up to personality or growing-up, my symptoms faded in and out with each frequent infection.
After having chronic bronchitis for a year and getting the last of my Gardasil vaccines, I started shaking all over my body. It was the perfect storm. I was a senior in high school and the doctors were at a loss. They gave me Valium to put me to sleep each time I started shaking but offered no solution to the endless tics. I missed more than 45 days of school and desperate for answers, my mom started researching online. Once she found PANDAS, everything fell into place. The diagnosis fit me like a glove and we headed out to my family doctor to confirm and start treatment.
If only it was that easy. The primary care physician was convinced PANDAS, which had just started making the news, was a hoax and instead insisted I was faking it and needed to be sent to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. He scolded my mom for “trusting Dr. Google” over his expertise and only agreed to an ASO titer blood test after 30 minutes of begging.
Thank you to a special NEPANS family for creating these wonderful bracelets, handouts with a short version of their story, information on My Kid Is Not Crazy and NEPANS information sheets! They have dropped them off at the following locations:
- The hospital that treated their daughter
- Primary care office
- Local walk in clinic where they get swabs at
- Children's schools with a reminder to try to schedule NEPANS to visit
- Mailed to most family and friends.
- Local Library
- Local CVS Pharmacy Staff
How fantastic is this! Below is the text printed on the handouts. Everyone can create a version of these handouts for themselves to hand out. You don't have to have the bracelets.
Thank you so much for helping spread PANS PANDAS Awareness and Understanding!
I wonder, do you remember her?
Her name is Justine. She has PANDAS
Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Strep.
Justine, a now 6-year-old girl, had a very normal life before all of this. She did have 8 cases of strep the year prior so I scheduled an appointment to get her tonsils and adenoids out in April 2016. No one was pushing it, I just thought enough was enough; I scheduled and pushed for it. Much to our surprise at the ENT visit 20 days prior to her surgery, she tested positive for strep. We were given the normal 10-day course of antibiotics and thought nothing of it. She was pretty healthy, had a very high tolerance for pain and did great for the surgery and recovery. Life went on...until 7 months later.
It came on suddenly in November 2016; it changed our daughter, it changed our lives. She was 5 at the time of her onset. We had just returned from a family vacation cruise and a trip to Disney. This is part of her story.
Justine started gradually having frequent urination and some anxiety. I brought her to be tested for an UTI, which was negative. She then changed overnight on November 22, 2016 in Kindergarten. It all started with very OCD and frequent urination with the need to go to the bathroom every few minutes at school. She went 54 times by noon. We had her tested for UTI's a few times in a matter of days. We were told it was behavioral, nothing medical, maybe vaginitis due to a lot of swimming on vacation.
They were wrong. We knew this day we lost our daughter. This was no tantrum; she had a fit of anger, this was a major event-out of character for our daughter at school.
Our daughter changed, you could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice and actions. She was gone from us. Justine showed signs of separation anxiety and had asked to be driven to school for 2-3 days leading up to this. She had a very difficult time separating from me. Absolutely terrifying. As parents we were not buying that our daughter was starting to act out behaviorally for no reason at age 5. She was a fully functioning happy, energetic, polite, great listener and smart girl. What in the world was going on? Who took her? What took her? What did we do for this to happen? There has to be something medically wrong!
On September 30, 2015, our 4-year-old son woke up a completely different person. He was speaking differently; he had uncontrollable anger and rage. All of his clothes felt itchy, he said. Then he started counting numbers, repetitively; it was non-stop number counting for hours on end. Then he started chewing the inside of his lips raw. We thought it was just an off day, but we knew something was terribly wrong the next day. He woke up the next day with all of the same behaviors as the day before, but this time something else happened. We were eating dinner at the dinner table when all of a sudden, our 4-year-old looked at us and said "Mommy, I just peed my pants on the chair. I didn't even know I had to pee." I knew at that moment something was so terribly wrong with our son, as he had NEVER had an accident since he was 2.5 years old. He wet the bed twice that night, and then woke up telling us that his brain was saying awful things to him and making him feel angry. He also developed a severe separation anxiety and anxiety about everything in general.
Before September 30th, our son was your average 4-year-old, kind, sweet, and outgoing. He loved making friends and going to school. His teachers once told us at parent teacher conferences that he was at the top of his class, morally and academically. He was vibrant and smart and so enjoyable to be around.
I immediately called his pediatrician and she got us right in. She took notes of the behaviors, did some of her own tests, then she called two other doctors in. Each doctor took turns examining our son. After they talked outside of the room, they came in and said we would be immediately admitted to a children's hospital for observation. Something was wrong with his brain, they said. It could be a stroke or a tumor, and he needed to be evaluated immediately by a neurologist.
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