I want to share my family’s story with PANS to help give hope to any other family that might be going through the same thing. My husband and I have a three-year-old son, Grayson. He came down with the flu on February 27. He was pretty sick most of the week, but on Friday, March 3, he was back to his normal self. We woke up to a living hell on Saturday, March 4. Our sweet boy had literally changed overnight. At first, we just thought that the “threes” that everyone had warned us about had set in. We were doing everything from taking away toys to timeout. We noticed that as the weekend went on, we could not get Grayson to eat or drink pretty much anything. Grayson has always been a pretty picky and light eater, but there have always been things that he would want. He would touch none of those preferred foods. My mother’s instinct told me that something was just not right, even though so many were saying that it was normal for a three year old to have tantrums. These were beyond anything we had ever seen our child do.
I took Grayson to his pediatrician Monday, March 6. Thankfully, we have an amazing pediatrician that takes no chances. She was extremely concerned; she said that any sudden or drastic change in behavior was a cause for concern, especially following an illness. That particular day, our pediatrician had a medical student following her around. The first thing that the medical student said was PANS and PANDAS. I had never heard of either term. We were sent for some lab work, and so ensued the worst week of our lives. Our pediatrician did not want to treat anything until she had the labs back. It was an awful feeling, as a parent, when I looked up what those terms meant. Inflammation on my child’s brain was not what I wanted to see. We watched our child act in ways that are so hard to even think back to. He would get so fixated on particular sounds or things from the OCD onset and all hell would break loose. We have never had a problem putting Grayson in his car seat, but, all of a sudden, the child was terrified of the car seat. It almost took two people to strap him into the seat while he was screaming and kicking and hitting.
On September 30, 2015, our 4-year-old son woke up a completely different person. He was speaking differently; he had uncontrollable anger and rage. All of his clothes felt itchy, he said. Then he started counting numbers, repetitively; it was non-stop number counting for hours on end. Then he started chewing the inside of his lips raw. We thought it was just an off day, but we knew something was terribly wrong the next day. He woke up the next day with all of the same behaviors as the day before, but this time something else happened. We were eating dinner at the dinner table when all of a sudden, our 4-year-old looked at us and said "Mommy, I just peed my pants on the chair. I didn't even know I had to pee." I knew at that moment something was so terribly wrong with our son, as he had NEVER had an accident since he was 2.5 years old. He wet the bed twice that night, and then woke up telling us that his brain was saying awful things to him and making him feel angry. He also developed a severe separation anxiety and anxiety about everything in general.
Before September 30th, our son was your average 4-year-old, kind, sweet, and outgoing. He loved making friends and going to school. His teachers once told us at parent teacher conferences that he was at the top of his class, morally and academically. He was vibrant and smart and so enjoyable to be around.
I immediately called his pediatrician and she got us right in. She took notes of the behaviors, did some of her own tests, then she called two other doctors in. Each doctor took turns examining our son. After they talked outside of the room, they came in and said we would be immediately admitted to a children's hospital for observation. Something was wrong with his brain, they said. It could be a stroke or a tumor, and he needed to be evaluated immediately by a neurologist.
If you are on Social Media at all, then you have seen the multitudes of posts about PANS PANDAS Awareness Day today. Some posts have just the facts. Some posts are personal. NEPANS is made up of both professionals working and those who are parents to with children with PANS and so we try to cover both points of view. I myself am a Mom who wants to support families and help provide resources to professionals so little kids like my own are helped quickly and thoroughly. Below is a short view into what it was like when our son first had PANS symptoms. It is not the full story. But a glimpse into our life with PANS. After you are done, please share at least one of the resources on this website. Awareness really does spread one person at a time. It was one person that told me to look into PANDAS. You never know who you can help by sharing what you know. And last but not least, tomorrow might not officially be PANS Awareness Day but the sharing should not stop. Thank you for help. Thank you for reading.
Gabriella True, NEPANS Board President
During the summer of 2009, after divorcing my husband, my son and I moved into our new home. Shortly thereafter we experienced many losses, including his 19-year-old babysitter and “big brother” to a car accident and his 21-year-old cousin to cancer. My son was already in therapy to help get thru the divorce and move. According to his therapist he was engaged and accepted the losses.
The Day it all Started
Suddenly in February 2010, during school vacation, life significantly changed. TJ was attending zoo camp as he had several times previously. When I picked him up on Thursday, the counselor who had known TJ since he was two, pulled me aside and said he acted very strangely in camp today. He was withdrawn, hid under the table, wouldn’t eat, and wasn’t his usual happy go lucky kid; she was very concerned. I explained that he was going through a lot and maybe it finally caught up with him. His grandmother watched him that night while I worked. At 8:00, she called me very concerned and asked me to come home right away, “Something was wrong with TJ”. TJ had cornered himself in a fetal position, soiled himself and was violently jerking. It was very scary. Friday, my good friend agreed to watch TJ while I had some appointments. He told me that he thought TJ maybe having seizures; he jerked all morning and wouldn’t eat or get off the couch.
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